SMTO Etiquette Q & A January 2026

Kristi Spencer is the founder of The Polite Company and offers personalized etiquette training to individuals and businesses. She lives in Carl Junction, Missouri, with her husband and two sons.‍

Q: I am a newlywed and really want to do this the right way. Between work, life and thank-you notes, how long is considered acceptable to send wedding thank you notes, especially when gifts keep arriving? I would also love a little guidance on what to include in the note.

A: Congratulations to you both! The fact that you are already thinking about thank-you notes tells me you are off to a great start.

Let’s clear up one common misconception right away. Wedding thank-you notes should be sent within three months of receiving a gift, not a year later. That timeline applies whether the gift arrived before the wedding, right after or a few weeks later.

If the idea of writing dozens of notes feels overwhelming, here are a few ideas to make it easier. First, this task does not have to fall on just one person. Thank-you notes can absolutely be a shared task. If you hear, “Your handwriting is so much better than mine, so you should write the notes,” remember that thoughtfulness matters far more than matching penmanship. Second, write a few notes at a time rather than trying to do them all at once. Even two or three a day will get you to the finish line. Lastly, keep your stationery, list of gifts and addresses, favorite pen and stamps in one basket, in plain sight.

It also helps to know exactly who should receive a note. That list includes parents or anyone who helped host the wedding, attendants, anyone who gave you a gift, and vendors.

As for what to write, start by addressing the person by name. Mention the gift they gave and something you appreciate about it. If they gave money, it is perfectly appropriate to share how you plan to use it. You can also add one personal line about seeing them at the wedding or the role they played in your day.

Here are a couple of examples.

Dear Janet,
Thank you so much for your generous wedding gift. It will help us as we save for a down payment on our first home. It was wonderful to see you at the wedding, and we hope to see you again soon.

With love,
Ali and Ryan

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,
Thank you for the beautiful crystal vase. We were so happy you could be part of our celebration, and it meant so much to share the day with you. We truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and will enjoy using it for years to come.

Love from both of us,
Ryan

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