Everyday Etiquette with Kristi Spencer: Is it OK to Share a Cash App or Venmo Link for My Birthday?

Birthdays

Question: I’m turning 21 soon, and my birthday is coming up. I’ve noticed a lot of my friends post their Cash App or Venmo on social media with things like “buy me a drink” or “help me fund my trip.” It seems kind of easy and low-pressure, but I’m not sure if it’s okay to do. I’d honestly rather get cash than random gifts I won’t use, but I don’t want people to think I’m being greedy or tacky. What do you think?  

Answer: Happy Birthday to you! I’m so glad you asked this, and the fact that you’re already thinking about how it might come across tells me you’re on the right track.

The simple rule is this: As adults, we don’t ask for birthday gifts.

I know that might be a little disappointing, especially with a milestone like 21, but it actually takes the pressure off everyone, including you. The people who want to celebrate with you will. But in a way that feels right to them. Whether that’s a text, a card, dinner or a gift, they choose.

While technology has made it easier than ever to send money, the etiquette of asking for it hasn’t changed. Asking for cash can put people off, and while it might feel helpful and harmless, it can change how others see you.

When money is requested publicly, it shifts your birthday from a celebration into something that feels more like a fundraiser. That’s not the message you want to put out there, especially on social media, where impressions can turn into reputations.  

If your goal is to avoid unwanted gifts, there are a couple of ways to handle it. When friends or family ask what you would like, it is perfectly fine to say you are saving for something and would appreciate a contribution toward it. It is even better if you can offer another option, like saying, “I’m saving for a trip, but you know I always love anything to do with plants.” It’s also okay to let your mom and your best friend know what you’d like so they can help spread the word.

Cheers to your 21st. I hope you have a blast.

Kristi Spencer is an etiquette coach and the founder of The Polite Company. She is a certified business etiquette instructor and a graduate of the Emily Post Institute.