Everyday Etiquette with Kristi Spencer

‍Question:
What are the guidelines for including gift registry information on an invitation? Are there certain events when it should not be included, or is it helpful in all situations where gifts are typically given?

Answer:
There are only two occasions when it is appropriate to include registry information directly on an invitation: Wedding showers and baby showers. In both cases, the purpose of the gathering is to celebrate the guest of honor with gifts, so sharing registry details is expected and helpful.

Weddings are different. Registry information should never be included on a wedding invitation. That includes listing a registry, mentioning gift preferences or adding phrases like “no gifts, please.” A wedding invitation should stand on its own as an invitation to celebrate.

The best way to guide guests is by including a separate enclosure card with the invitation. That card can share important details like the wedding website, the RSVP date and any other helpful information guests may need. The wedding website is where registry links, cash funds or charitable preferences belong.

While some couples choose to place the wedding website directly on the invitation, I prefer keeping it on the enclosure card. This allows the invitation itself to arrive without any reference, even indirectly, to gifts.

Outside of weddings and welcoming a new baby, we shouldn’t be creating registries. That includes housewarming parties, birthday parties, graduation parties, quinceañeras and similar events. This does not mean people cannot have gift preferences or that children cannot have a birthday wish list that can be shared when someone asks.

The key is how that information is shared. Allow the invitation to do the job it is meant to do. Invite people to join you, to celebrate and to be part of the moment, without mentioning what you hope to receive.

Kristi Spencer is an etiquette coach and the founder of The Polite Company. She is a certified business etiquette instructor and a graduate of the Emily Post Institute.

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